Just two days ago, I received some very troubling news from someone I trusted. I was let down by this person in the gravest way. As a result, my family’s livelihood will be profoundly affected. The reason for this person’s decisions were understandable, but the way in which they carried themselves left much to be desired in the way of decency and integrity. I feel stricken by it.

Then, when I found out yesterday the events that had occurred in Quebec and Ottawa, I felt my heart lurch and sway. I watched to footage of the gunfight in the corridors of Parliament. Saw the pictures of Nathan Cirillo. Sat with my wife watching the later evening coverage, taking comfort in the dulcet tones and finely powdered pate of our national treasure, Peter Mansbridge. We sat with bated breath, waiting for the Prime Minister’s statement, hoping it would be genuine and of substance. We were let down.

I am filled with rage and sadness. At my own personal struggles and at the state of the world at large. We process the hard stuff. Sometimes for better. Sometimes for worse. Whatever the case, we endure.

I recorded this on my phone whilst sitting at our kitchen table, in our tiny apartment. You can hear our old fridge humming along. In this humble place we watch in amazement as our little one grows. This is where we live, laugh and cry. Where we struggle and endure.

I haven’t sung this number in a few years. I haven’t felt compelled to. I do now. Now, more that ever, we need Grace and Love. Now, more than ever, I feel the need to rest in Grace and Love, during these days where I and We experience so much grief and tribulation, both inside and out.

Take care out there. Enjoy the tune. Don’t forget to Love…

Not to be confused with the tune by pop sensation Katy Perry, this is a song I wrote awhile back about depression and, not only our struggles with it, but the idea that those of us afflicted by it are often able to receive, create and transmit great beauty through artistic expression.

DARK HORSE
Rain beats down on the tattoo roof
Vines in the jungle and the tattoo roof
There’s a grey sky and a multitude
Of common strays watching with a different eye

My dear, can you see it?
It’s you and me
It’s a gift and a curse we’re carrying
Some might say that we’re broken
But the view from here, it’s wide open

Don’t you know you’re not alone

All those days you stayed in bed
All the thunder in your head
I’m here, I know what you’re going through
’cause I’ve been there, too
I heard you cry and I heard you say
Can I make it another day?
Go to work and dread the night
When the hammers come marching home

Don’t you know you’re not alone

I’ve been there before and if you can
I want you to know that I understand
It’s not just another day

Dark horse, dark night
Black dogs baying at the moon at midnight
They’re scratching at your door
They’re coming ’round for more
Dark horse, dark night
Little pill gonna make it alright
Your friends, they’re gonna make it alright
Yo’ Mama, she’s gonna make it alright
A little Love, it’s gonna make it alright
It’s gonna get you through the night

Still processing the loss of Robin Williams. Too close to Philip Seymour Hoffman’s passing. Too much brilliance snuffed out too, too soon. Troubled souls suffering, from what I feel is personal experience and pain, but also from the ills of this world of ours. This place that is full of so much beauty, but which is full of so much tribulation and heartache. Sensitive people absorb and react to the painful stuff more acutely. I know of what I speak, because I am one. My own experience has included struggle with bleak depression and addiction. I hear about these creative folks, who happen to be famous, and share their pain. Many close to me feel it, too. And it’s getting harsher out there. Anyone with a lick of awareness can feel it. Jiddu Krishnamurti said – It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. I agree.

Here’s to greater Love in the world. Here’s to dialogue about our pain and suffering and all things beautiful and righteous. Here’s to our healing. Here’s to our endless, mostly untapped potential. Here’s to this great gift of life.

I’ll sign off with a Tale of Two Hairy Buds.

Bless,

K.